Too Weird to Categorize

231/365: National Potato Day/National Hot & Spicy Food Day*

Posted on August 19, 2013 by Midwest Mark

Today presents us with a real dilemma. We have two food holidays to choose from: National Potato Day, or National Hot & Spicy Food Day. No problem for me, but somebody in the house doesn’t like potatoes OR hot and spicy foods.

Hint: it’s not the cat.

Before I continue, I want to update you on a recent challenge. A couple of days ago was National Vanilla Custard Day. My parents had given us some rennet tablets to assist in the preparation. I had never used them before – had never even heard of them, as a matter of fact – and the instructions for preparation were very precise. My first batch was ruined because the milk was too hot, so I cooked up a second helping, and this time the temperature was just right. We put it in the refrigerator overnight to set, and the next morning – before hitting the road – tried the custard. It wasn’t bad at all. But, after fourteen hours in a cooler filled with ice, the consistency had changed to something akin to a watery, lumpy cottage cheese. Neither of us was keen on trying it, but we knew we must adhere to the rules of the challenge, so we actually waited until the stroke of midnight, when it was officially Saturday, and had a spoonful each. Honestly, the flavor wasn’t bad, but the texture was revolting. So, our vanilla custard was a major disappointment – but given the obstacles we faced this weekend, we won’t beat ourselves up too badly.

Moving right along…

Spices were first used to flavor foods around 7000 B.C. when our forefathers discovered mastodon tasted so much better with a dash of red pepper flakes. Some cultures began to build their entire cuisines around spicy foods (Indian, Thai, Japanese, Mexican, and others), which isn’t really a bad thing: hot spices rev up the immune system, ignite the libido, and stimulate the brain. Which means, eating them will keep you healthy, horny, and smart as a whip. Plenty of reason there to pass the jalapenos!

I figured it would be easy to celebrate both food holidays today by combining the two. How to do that? With a bag of jalapeno flavored potato chips, of course! They were good. Tara wasn’t as crazy about them, but was a trooper about it (like always) and had a couple despite her distaste for them.

National Hot & Spicy Food Day, National Potato Day

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202/365: National Junk Food Day*

Posted on July 21, 2013 by Midwest Mark

They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, so we’ll use the term “junk” lightly when we celebrate today’s food holiday. July 21 is National Junk Food Day!

It’s also National Ice Cream Day, but I’m going to scream if I have to eat ice cream again. We’ve had multiple versions of that holiday already, with more to come. If you don’t believe there can be “too much of a good thing,” go ahead and try this food challenge next year. You’ll be as sick of pies and cakes and ice cream as we are, trust me.

The term “junk food” was coined in 1972 by Michael Jacobson, director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, and is defined as a food that has little or no nutritional value and is usually high in fat, sugar, salt, and/or calories. In other words, the typical American diet! (Not that we can really be blamed. A 2008 study showed eating junk food sends chemical signals to the brain that stimulate our senses in the same way that drugs like heroin and cocaine do. Oreos really can be addictive. Who knew?!). While the slang term has been around for only 40 years, junk food itself has existed since the dawn of time, back when neanderthals were dipping sticks in beehives and scraping out honey. Junk food is usually categorized by group, and includes salted snack foods, candy, sweet desserts, fried fast foods, sugary carbonated beverages, and Hot Pockets, which deserve their own special category. Some foods straddle the line between healthy and junk food. Like popcorn. I prefer to think of that as a bag full o’ hot vegetables, but I suppose the addition of butter and salt actually lands it in the junk food category. Other foods that can go either way, depending on the ingredients used and method of preparation, include hamburgers, pizza, and tacos. For example, a Doritos Locos Cool Ranch taco from Taco Bell is undoubtedly junk food, while a fresh carnitas taco from a street vendor is not. How’s that distinction? Clear as mud?

Today was ripe with possibility, since so many different things can be considered junk food. But things did not start out promisingly. On the way back from camping, we stopped at the Pig ‘n Pancake in Astoria, and I ordered Eggs Benedict with fresh Dungeness crab. Oops. Nothing even remotely “junky” there, nor were Tara’s sourdough pancakes. “We’re being too high-falutin’, babe,” I told her, so we aimed our sights lower. By the end of the day we had consumed some chips with zesty bean dip and queso, and frozen pizza for dinner. Whew! Talk about a save!

National Junk Food Day

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199/365: National Caviar Day

Posted on July 18, 2013 by Midwest Mark

I’ve always considered people who like caviar to be a little fishy, but I never say that out loud because I’d hate to egg them on. Nevertheless, today is their big day: July 18 is National Caviar Day!

Caviar is considered a gourmet product frequently associated with the wealthy. After all, Robin Leach used to talk about “champagne wishes and caviar dreams.”  Caviar is the processed and salted roe, or mass of eggs, from a female fish – traditionally the sturgeon. These tiny eggs are usually black, but may be red, gold, or gray, as well. When people first discovered that caviar tasted good (and who exactly was the first person to stick a mass of slimy fish eggs on his tongue anyway?!), sturgeon were so abundant that the price was quite low. Russian czar Nicholas II enjoyed it so much he started taxing fishermen, and the product became associated with wealth and royalty. For hundreds of years sturgeon were believed to only inhabit the Black and Caspian seas, but then this little slab of land called “America” was discovered, and sturgeon were found swimming in the Hudson and Delaware Rivers on the East Coast and the Columbia River on the West Coast. Caviar was so plentiful and easy to come by that bars started serving it for free, like peanuts and pretzels, because it was salty and that encouraged people to drink more. By the turn of the century, America was the world’s biggest supplier of caviar, responsible for 600 tons a year, or 90% of the world’s supply. Eventually, overfishing wiped out the majority of sturgeon, and the price of caviar crept up. In 2012, true caviar sold for $2500 a pound. There are less expensive versions available, made from the roe of salmon, steelhead, trout, lumpfish, and whitefish.

There are certain etiquette rules for serving caviar. You should never use a metal spoon, as this can affect the flavor. It’s best served with chilled vodka. A traditional preparation involves placing diced onion and hard-boiled egg on a toast point and topping with a generous dollop of caviar, with lemon slices on the side. We followed those rules, minus the lemon. I had tried caviar once before, but it was Tara’s first time. She was a trooper…but she very nearly vomited. I’m not exaggerating. I actually stepped away from her as she was gagging and dry heaving. Luckily, nothing came up. Funny thing is, I asked her afterwards, “So? Did you like it?”

Yeah. Neither one of us did. I have no idea why something so disgusting is considered a delicacy. To each their own, I suppose.

National Caviar Day

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197/365: National Corn Fritters Day

Posted on July 16, 2013 by Midwest Mark

I’d better cob-ble together some facts in order to educate you on today’s food holiday. July 16 is National Corn Fritters Day!

Corn fritters originated in the Deep South, and are related to hush puppies. No surprise there; isn’t everybody related to everybody else down South? (This is the part where I could insert a gratuitous joke about cousins getting hitched and follow that up with a real belly-slapper over inbreeding, but I’ll take the high road instead. Wouldn’t want to offend any Southerners, after all). Corn fritters are closely associated with cowboy cuisine, but in fact, might have originated with the Native American culture. All we know for sure is, they are made with corn kernels, egg, flour, milk, and butter, and may be either fried or baked. They are similar in appearance to Johnnycakes, a flatbread made of cornmeal.

Seeing as how we live about as far from the South as you can possibly get while still calling the United States home, corn fritters aren’t exactly commonplace up here. Meaning, we had to make our own. No big deal, though – they’re very easy. We used the following recipe from Bisquick, with a slight modification (the addition of green chilies):

1 egg
1/4 c. milk
1 c. Bisquick
1 can whole kernel corn, drained
1 4 oz. can diced green chilies
Black pepper

Blend together egg, milk, and Bisquick. Stir in corn. Add pepper to taste. In a wok or frying pan, heat 2 inches vegetable oil. Using 2 teaspoons, gently drop a rounded teaspoon of fritter batter into hot oil. Fry 6-8 fritters at a time, turning until golden brown. Drain on paper towels.

They were simple to make, and delicious! We weren’t sure what type of dipping sauce to use, so we opted for ranch. I think a spicy chipotle mayo would have been even better.

National Corn Fritter Day

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194/365: National French Fries Day/National Beans ‘n Franks Day

Posted on July 13, 2013 by Midwest Mark

If you’ve ever played “one potato, two potato” as a kid (or an adult – hey, I’m not judging your arrested development!), today’s holiday just might ap-peel to you. July 13 is National French Fries Day! It’s also National Beans ‘n Franks Day, and we decided to do something rare and double dip. That is, celebrate both food holidays. I think we’ve only ever done this once before all year.

Despite the name, french fries aren’t really French. These deep-fried potatoes – known as “chips” in the U.K. and certain countries Down Under (which is kind of cute, but also confusing, because they call chips “crisps” and it’s all one big slippery slope into anarchy from there) – were actually invented in Belgium. The Spanish introduced potatoes to Europe in the 16th century, and before long the Belgians were frying up thin strips of potatoes in place of the small fish they could no longer fry when the rivers froze over during the winter. A French army officer named Antoine-Augustine Parmentier began championing the lowly potato in his country, where it had previously been viewed as unfit for human consumption in the mistaken belief that potatoes caused diseases. No wonder the French have a reputation for being snooty!  He began hosting dinners for famous guests like Benjamin Franklin,  King Louis XVI, and Marie Antoinette, during which potatoes would be served in an effort to prove that they were not only edible, but delicious. It wasn’t until a great famine in 1785 that the French realized hey, maybe we can eat these, after all. A decade later fried potatoes – called frites – were all the rage. When they were introduced to America, fast-food chains named them “French fries” in an homage to their European heritage, not realizing that the Belgians had actually been making them for a good hundred years longer. Which is all fine, I suppose. Belgian fries just doesn’t have the same ring to it, you know?

Beans ‘n franks is a quintessentially American dish in which hot dogs are cut up and cooked in the same sauce used to make baked beans. The two had been served together for decades, until one day somebody – whose name is sadly lost to history – decided it was too much work to take a bite of a hot dog and then scoop up a forkful of beans, so what the heck, let’s just mix ’em together and save all this time and trouble. Presumably, of course. There isn’t a lot of history available on the origin of this particular dish, and my motto is: when in doubt, make stuff up!

I kid, I kid.

To celebrate, first we opened a can of Beanee Weenees in the morning. Nothing says breakfast like beans ‘n franks! Later in the afternoon, we were visiting Capitol Hill in downtown Seattle (we’re in the Emerald City this weekend) and we dropped by Dick’s Drive In for an order of fresh-cut fries. Both were wonderful!

Beans 'n franks.

Beans ‘n franks.

National French Fries Day

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184/365: National Eat Beans Day

Posted on July 3, 2013 by Midwest Mark

Today’s holiday is good for the heart. The more you eat, the more you…

I’ll let you fill in the blank. July 3 is National Eat Beans Day!

Beans are one of the oldest cultivated plants in human history. They were grown for thousands of years B.C., and even predate ceramic pottery – meaning ancient people were cooking beans before they had anything to eat beans out of. They were an important source of protein since waaaay before the Dark Ages, and remain so to this day. The most common edible bean, of the genus Phaseolus, is native to America; several varieties were domesticated before Christopher Columbus ever landed on these shores. Native Americans practiced the “three sisters” method of agricultural cultivation, planting maize, squash, and beans in the same place, utilizing natural resources in an environmentally responsible way. Al Gore would be proud. Beans are a heliotropic plant, meaning the leaves turn toward the sun during the day, and then fold up at night.

As for the old children’s rhyme, many beans contain oligosaccharides, sugar molecules that are also found in cabbage. The human digestive tract does not have any anti-oligosaccharides enzymes, crucial for properly digesting these molecules, so bacteria in the large intestine feast on them instead. The result? The reason why beans are considered “the magical fruit.” The more you eat, the more you toot.

Tooting aside, I love beans! But Tara does not. This is what you’d call an honest-to-goodness conundrum. But she was game enough to go along and at least try a forkful. We barbecued hot dogs and had beans on the side. Beans ‘n franks, man. It’s a classic combo.

National Eat Beans DAy

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164/365: National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day

Posted on June 13, 2013 by Midwest Mark

I almost stumbled and fell when I saw today’s unusual food holiday. June 13 is Kitchen Klutzes of America Day!

Alrighty, then…

(Still no National Ketchup Day, by the way. What a waste of a food holiday. But I’ll play along).

Kitchen Klutzes of America is dedicated to anybody who has ever made a fool of themselves in the kitchen. Maybe they’ve accidentally substituted salt for sugar, or used the wrong measurements in a recipe. Maybe they burned the bread, spilled the soup, or poached when they should have sauteed. This probably applies to pretty much everybody. In fact, if you’ve got an interesting Kitchen Klutz story to share, we’d love to hear about it in the comments section. The best responses will be shared in a future post.

Not very long ago, Tara accidentally used cinnamon instead of chili powder when cooking taco meat. Fortunately, she caught her error before dinner was served. This necessitated an emergency trip to the grocery store, but that was better than eating sweet tacos. As for myself, I once turned on a blender full of tomatoes without securing the lid. Months later, spots of tomato sauce still dotted the ceiling. Oops. Those stories pale in comparison to my uncle, who once chopped jalapenos and then scratched an itch in a delicate place without properly washing his hands. Let’s just say that was fodder for quite a few jokes, and brought new meaning to the phrase “great balls of fire.”

See? We’ve all got stories. Share yours…please!

resized_Klutz

In keeping with the spirit of this weird food holiday, we decided to avoid the kitchen altogether. We made grilled pizza instead. Which, if you’ve never tried it, is surprisingly easy – and delicious.

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144/365: National Escargot Day

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Midwest Mark

You’ll have to come out of your shell and display bravery in order to enjoy today’s food holiday. May 24 is National Escargot Day!

Escargot, in case you aren’t aware, is the French word for snails. Land snails, to be exact. They are considered a delicacy in France, and have been a staple of man’s diet for thousands of years. Archaeological digs have uncovered prehistoric caves filled with snail shells, indicating that early man enjoyed dining on the slimy little creatures. Gasp! What Neanderthals! Even when hunting and gathering expanded to include fish, game, and Big Macs, some cultures continued to enjoy snails as part of their cuisine, particularly Greeks and Romans, who considered them not just sustenance, but a delicacy. Kind of like the way we view lobster and caviar today.

There are more than 100 varieties of edible snail worldwide, though two are typically used in the preparation of escargot: Helix Aspersa (or “Petit-Gris”) and Helix Pomatia (“Burgundy snail”). In France, snails are so popular they’ve got their own hunting season. Not all types are edible, though. Some taste unpleasant, while others are poisonous. Snails tend to take on the flavor of whatever they have eaten recently, and can actually become poisonous if they have eaten a poisonous plant, so they are typically “purged” (forced to undergo fasting) for 5-6 days before cooking. They are then removed from their shells, cooked with garlic, butter, and wine, and often placed back into the shells for serving, along with the fragrant cooking sauce and butter.

All of this might turn your stomach, but I have actually tried escargot before. In fact, I consider myself a big fan. During my very first trip to Portland in the early 1990s, I tried escargot at a seafood restaurant, and loved it. Tara, naturally, was less enthusiastic about eating snails. I wanted to make my own, but very few local supermarkets carry snails, it turns out. We tried a bunch of different places, including some European and Asian markets, but came up empty. So we turned to Yelp, and found some suggestions for escargot in Portland. What the heck, it was Friday night – we decided to go ahead and make an evening of it. So we headed to the Hawthorne District to check out Chez Machin, a French creperie that looked promising (and promised escargot). And, they delivered! Now I have to give props to Tara. It is well documented that she is a picky eater, and that has proven to be the case many times during this food challenge. But sometimes she surprises me, and tonight was one of those times. Because she ended up liking the snails. Go figure! (They were pretty tasty, and the garlic butter made a great sauce for dipping that awesome French bread in, too).

Escargot

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87/365: National Something on a Stick Day*

Posted on March 28, 2013 by Midwest Mark

Today is one of the weirder food holidays we’ve celebrated. It also gives us a lot of freedom. It’s National Something on a Stick Day.

That “something” really translates to “anything you can spear.” Some of the obvious choices include corn dogs, lollipops, shish kebabs, and Popsicles. But really, if you can poke a stick in it and eat it that way, you’re golden. We thought about doing something really difficult – spaghetti on a stick perhaps, or to really make it tough, soup on a stick. But in the end, we settled for something simpler.

It is also, I should point out, National Black Forest Cake Day. As delicious as that sounded, tomorrow is dedicated to lemon chiffon cake, and we weren’t in the mood for back-to-back cakes.

IMAG0672

People have been eating food on sticks for as long as fire has existed. Big, meaty hunks of mastadon have given way to hot dogs and marshmallows over the centuries, but there are few things more appealing than cooking your own food over an open fire in the great outdoors, and then wolfing it down without any namby-pamby utensils. The protocol is simple: hold food over fire, cook until black on the outside and cold in the middle, take a bite and burn the roof of your mouth, blow on it a little, wait a minute, take another bite. And be sure to wipe your fingers on your pants afterwards. Napkins? We don’t need no stinkin’ napkins! There’s a great and humorous look at the history of food on a stick here. I’d never heard of Uncyclopedia before, but it had me laughing. It’s like Wikipedia-meets-The-Onion.

Tara and I met up for lunch at New Season’s, a grocery store known for their free food samples – many of which are available to nosh on using toothpicks. A-ha! Sure enough, we found cheese samples to impale. Later on, we had dinner at my parents’ house, and because they support this blog, my mom made sure to serve something on a stick herself. In this case, lollipops. Thanks for your support, guys!

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65/365: National Frozen Food Day

Posted on March 6, 2013 by Midwest Mark

Today is a nICE day to celebrate food. Specifically, food that comes from the freezer. March 6 is National Frozen Food Day!

Frozen food has been around as long as the last Ice Age, when Neanderthals subsisted on a diet made up largely of Popsicles. In 1912, Clarence Birdseye went on a fur-trapping expedition in the frigid Arctic region of Canada. While there, he noticed that fresh-caught fish froze instantly in the bitter cold, and discovered when it was cooked weeks later, it still tasted delicious. “That’s pretty bitchin’, eh,” he said, quickly latching onto the native vernacular. When he returned to the U.S., he figured out a way to flash-freeze food, and started General Seafood Corporation, which began selling frozen foods to the general public on March 6, 1930 – exactly 83 years ago today. You might say Birdseye had a really good view (ha-ha), as he went on to develop freezer grocery display cases and cellophane wrappers for frozen food, and used insulated rail cars to ship his products across country. Altogether, he held over 100 patents, and was inducted into the National Inventor’s Hall of Fame.

Freezing is an excellent way of preserving foods, and thanks to its convenience and economic value, the frozen food industry is a multinational, multi-million dollar industry.

I'm sorry, but the White House decor is hideous!

I’m sorry, but the White House decor is hideous!

We can actually thank Ronald Reagan for National Frozen Food Day. The Great Orator had a soft spot for salisbury steak, and in 1984 passed a proclamation declaring that March 6 would forevermore honor frozen foods. This is one of the few food holidays that can be linked directly to the Oval Office. “I call upon the American people to observe such a day with appropriate ceremonies and activities,” said The Prez, and who are we to argue with a former leader of the free world? For today’s food challenge, Tara and I heated up frozen TV dinners for lunch.

Frozen Food

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